Review: The Dead Heart by Kelly Jacobs

       The Dead Heart ~ to crave the vampire
Kelly Jacobs {18+, m/m images going on there, consider yourself warned!! }; Published April 2nd 2011
He wasn’t suspecting that he would he targeted as prey, he wasn’t suspecting he would be lured into the web of soft touches and hard desire, and he wasn’t expecting he would fall in love with a monster than meant to kill him.
 In a small town, Sam was bullied and harassed for being different until a stranger gave him a reason to live.
Contains: vampires, yaoi/ male-male romance, sex, drugs and rock and roll.
 – Goodreads on The Dead Heart

Oh, Kelly …
 I was super excited to read this one. I’m a big-time m/m fangirl, and this is the only m/m novel that was submitted for review – I had such high hopes!

This is more of a 1,5 rating, really; but since we’re going by whole butterflies and not bits and pieces of them, I gave it a 2 because I did like some things, to some extent. I’ll explain it, don’t burst any vessel yet.

The idea of the novel is cute; I’m of course interested, we’re talking vampires, m/m wove – it has a lot of potential. But it is my honest opinion, the version I was given of it (and I’ve not received a ‘revised’ version in the meantime) is in a really poor form – and I hate to have to say this. It needs a lot of editing, I’m talking obvious grammar mistakes, and not just two or three, sadly.
 There is structure to the story line, but it’s not quite reinforced. The characters have that glimmer of interesting, but it feels to me like they weren’t developed well enough, and it could and should have happened.
 It is my belief that the version I’ve read is something of a first draft, spur of the inspired moment thing; I surely do hope the version up for sale isn’t the same one. There should be a lot of versions, between your first draft, and the final form you’re putting out there.

The part that really saddens me about this situation is the author has that talent to come up with characters that you will have feelings about; they do have a charm, and some magnetic quality, a lot of chemistry in the main couple, that would have made them pretty spectacular if the writing itself would have been given a lot more attention.

If I would have read this somewhere on FictionPress for instance, I might have given it a full 2 out of 5 maybe, because with free-reads your expectations are somewhat lower. I will say however I have read heaps upon heaps of m/m original fiction online, in lots and lots of places, and the bulk of them were in close to impeccable form, writing-wise, grammar-wise, structure-wise, character-wise…you get my point.
 But this is supposed to be a finished, polished product, if you’re putting it out there up for sale. My personal advice would be to go over it again, correct any mistakes, maybe add a bit more substance to the characters, because this does have the potential to become something beautiful.


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